Book your heart by-pass today
‘Mr Jones, we have a serious problem here – your heart can no longer function as it should and we’ll have to do a double, if not a triple by-pass. And no, Mr Jones, we can’t wait… but luckily enough I see there’s a bed available and we can get you in on Friday. Isn’t that fortunate?’
So do the following and book your by-pass well in advance :
1. eat the modern diet
2. be certain to do some yo-yo dieting to lose weight
3. do food combining and never eat protein with carbohydrates
4. buy margarine or ‘spreads’ claiming to reduce cholesterol levels
5. skip breakfast
6. ignore raw foods at all costs
7. be sure you don’t eat vegetables
8. don’t eat fresh fruit
9. eat lots of dairy products, especially fruit yoghurt
10. go on drinking 4 – 5 coffees per day
11. travel to and from work in the dark
12. make sure you have only coffee or fizzy drinks all day
13. don’t drink water
14. enjoy the crispy bits on the Sunday roast pork or chicken
15. don’t eat legumes, beans and lentils
16. forget about nuts and seeds for snacks
17. keep up that ‘social’ ½ bottle of wine after work
18. don’t have any exercise except for picking up the tv remote
19. enjoy those bars from mars and a fizzy drink for lunch
20. buy crisps for snacks
21. don’t have supper before 9 at night
22. make sure its a boxed meal, or even better, a Chinese or Indian take-out
23. crash into bed ½ an hour later, but get no more than five hours sleep
Four or more of these practices are enough to build up a good by-pass – it might take a little longer, but you’ll have a good grounding for your by-pass by the time you’re 63. Oh, and don’t forget to book some chemotherapy whilst you’re at it – there’s likely to be a race as to which gets you first
Don’t lose out, think ahead and book your by-pass today …
Image Source=Glen Brook High School
Keyword=n_d
